With the big game fast approaching, I thought it would be good to let you all know some of the common terms that you will hear during the big game and what they really mean when police officers hear them.
1) Superbowl Term: HOLDING
Normally results in a penalty. It is the act of grasping another player who does not have the ball and impeding their progression.
To sound intelligent: During the game, when the team you are against makes a great play scream, “No way, our guy was held. That was soooooo holding!”
If someone asks you, “Holding?” They want to know if you have any illegal drugs on you for sale. Politely reply, “No man.”
2) Superbowl Term: BLITZ
A surprise defensive play that brings one or more defenders aggressively towards the quarterback in hopes for a sack (see below) or a loss of yardage situation.
To sound intelligent: On third and long when your team has the ball yell at the TV, “Watch for the blitz up the middle boys.”
A common phrase to describe a person who has ingested intoxicants in the form of drugs or alcohol to the extent they can no longer care for themselves and require immediate attention for their own safety. “That accused before the court was blitzed out of his mind which is why he drove his car into side of the house.”
3) Superbowl Term: FLEA-FLICKER
An offensive stunt play in which the quarter back hands the ball to another offensive player, who in turn fakes a run then tosses the ball back to the quarterback in hopes of passing the ball downfield to an open receiver.
To sound intelligent: If your team is behind and their offence isn’t producing and they have the ball state very thoughtfully, “Maybe we need to mix it up a bit. This would be a good time for the old flea-flicker!”
The glow associated to stoners when they are going to the FleaMarket to buy a bong or other drug paraphernalia, “Wow man, the lights at the market…it’s like a Flea-Flicker dude.”
4) Superbowl Term: INTERFERENCE
The action of illegally interfering with an opponent’s ability to catch a passed or kicked ball.
To sound intelligent: Timing is crucial here. If your receiver (the guy who wants to catch the ball) misses it and a yellow flag is thrown yell, “Yes, pass interference. 1st down. Let’s go baby.”
What tinfoil does when worn on the head of people or placed strategically on the inside of windows. “The tinfoil causes interference so the aliens can’t hear my thoughts.”
5) Superbowl Term: SACK
The defensive act of tackling the quarterback behind the line of scrimmage while he still has the ball.
To sound intelligent: When the opposing team has the ball on offence and they are lined up to start the play yell, “Come on D…let’s sack him on this one.”
Really intelligent bonus combo: “Come on D…bring the safety on a blitz up the middle and send the corner from the outside. Let’s sack him on this one.”
The container most commonly used to hold contraband items. “Your honour, the defendant was using a brown paper sack to store his drugs.”
Bonus Term: “Your honour, the defendant was using a brown paper sack for holding his drugs. He did not notice the uniform officers approaching due to the interference caused by the prostitute walking past and also due to his blitzed state. ”
Enjoy the Superbowl everyone.